What they wouldn't say: The Fanfic!
by Heliotrope
Summary: Enjoy the insanity of Miaka swearing, Nuriko's manlyness, Hotohori's uglyness, Tamahome's generosity, Tasuki's feminine side, Chichiri's drug addiction, Chiriko's stupidity and Mitsukake the stud!Beware the OOCness!
1. Default Chapter

WHAT THEY WOULDN'T SAY

Miaka knew it was going to be one of those days as soon as she woke up, and the first sound she was aware of was a high-pitched feminine scream.

Blinking her overly-large green eyes a few times, she sat strait up in bed. " What the freak was that noise!" she exclaimed, before catching sight of herself in the mirror. " Ah! I'm freaking fat! I need to go on a freaking diet!"

Rolling over on her side, she saw Tamahome lying next to her. He was sound asleep and murmuring something about how good Nakago looked in a Sailor Fuku.

With a sharp shove to his side, she sent him tumbling out the bed. " Get the freak up, you freak!" she yelled.

He poked his head up over the edge of the bed, peering up at her with his big, fangirl-squeal inducing eyes. " Aw, Miaka-chan, why'd you do that for?"

" Shut up you freak! I don't need to explain things to a freak like you! I've made a decision," she paused for effect. " I'm going on a diet!"

" Oh? That's nice, dear," nodded Tamahome, sounding completely disinterested. " I've come to a deception too. This morning we're going down to Orphans 'R' Us and giving them a big, fat donation!"

" Why the freak would we want to do that!" screamed Miaka, nearly deafening poor Tama-chan. " Who cares about others? I want that freaking money!"

" But honey, if we're not going to be needing it for your food anymore, then why should we keep it?"

" Because I freaking want it, that's why!" Miaka answered. " We can use it to buy guns, and then go and shoot some homeless people!"

" Er, whatever you say dear... By the way, did I hear somebody screaming just now?"

" Yes! Now let's freaking go downstairs and NOT freaking eat anything!"

" Um... OK."

* * *

Tasuki lay back in bed, wearing his pretty-pink pyjamas.. His throat felt quite ticklish, and his head rather hazy. He concluded that he was coming down with a case of the sniffles. That poor little baby-faced angelic... man. 

Another high-pitched scream echoed through the palace. Tasuki whimpered at the sound, huddling into his daisy-patterned blankets.

" I want my mommy!" he squealed pathetically. " Mommy will protect me. Because she's nice, and kind, and smells all pretty and feminine. Heh, 'and' that a funny word, isn't it?" he soon dissolved into a fit of giggles.

His giggles came to an abrupt stop when Chiriko suddenly came bursting in through the door.

" Eee! What are you doing here, Chiriko!" exclaimed Tasuki, pulling the covers up around his body. " I don't want you to see me in my night attire!"

Chiriko stared at him blankly, a drop of drool clinging to his chin. " But, duh, it's not night time. Mr. Happy Sun is out right now, see?" he said, pointing towards the window.

" Oh, you're right," Tasuki agreed, covers still pulled up to his chin.

" Duh, Tasuki," started Chiriko, pausing to gaze at an interesting piece of dust that was clinging to the ceiling. " Later on, let's go out and pick some flowers for the others."

" But we can't do that!" Tasuki cried out. " Nuriko-sama might see us. And he already thinks I'm a wussy."

" We're not wussy, we just embrace our feminine side."

" Hehe, that's a funny word too."

" Duh, what is?"

" Side!" Tasuki answered, barely able to stifle his giggles.

" Yeah, ha! You're right!"

The two of them just sat there giggling for a few minutes, not noticing the odd stares they got from people passing by the room.

" ...You're really pretty, Tasuki-chan."

" Hehehe, I know!"

* * *

" Where the fuck is that bloody screaming coming from!" roared Nuriko. 

He had been in the process of making his way to the dinning room, when the screaming had started. It really pissed him off, and a pissed off Nuriko was not a good thing

He proceeded to march angrily down the hallway, hoping to locate where the noise was coming from. After a few minuets of walking, he came to a large, beautifully carved door.

He stared up at the door in surprise. " Heh, it's coming from that pansy of an Emperor's room. What a pansy."

With a quick flick of his wrists, the door flew open to reveal Hotohori, standing in from of his mirror, screaming his head off.

Nuriko strode up to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. " Hey! Snap out of it!" he yelled, shaking the emperor roughly. " What the fuck are you screaming for?"

Hotohori just whimpered and pointed a quivering hand at the mirror. " In the mirror, it's disgusting!"

" But it's only your reflection."

" Exactly, I'm hideous!"

Nuriko sweatdropped.

* * *

Later on that morning, all of the Suzaku gang, except Mitsukake, were gathered around the dinner table, eating their breakfast.

" Where the freak is Mitsukake!" yelled Miaka, a glare on her face and a mallet in her hand. " I demand a freaking answer."

" I think he's gone out to pick up some girls," said Chichiri, who had a huge grin plastered over his face. He started sniggering wildly and chowing down on a huge plate of cookies.

" See, now that's a manly thing to do, he's really manly. Like me!" announced Nuriko. " Not like you bunch of sissies!" He then noticed that Chiriko was starring vacantly into space, while Tasuki played with his cute pink hair. " And what the fuck are you two doing?"

" Huh? Wha?" Chiriko said dumbly. Chichiri burst out laughing and threw a cookie at him, hitting him squarely in the forehead. But he failed to respond.

Hotohori, who looked rather tearful and panicked, glanced nervously at Chichiri. " Er, are you feeling OK?"

Chichiri nodded eagerly. " I sure am! It's just these cookies, they're magic!"

" ... Magic?"

" They're full of crack!"

Miaka leapt to her feet, her arms flailing wildly. Much to the discomfort of Tamahome, who had been sitting next to her, counting up all the money he planned on donating to charity.

" What the freak!" she screeched, causing Chiriko and Tasuki to do a Team Rocket style fear-hug. " Are you trying to freaking drug us!"

" Of course!" replied Chichiri. " I love drugs. I'm on drugs right now. Oooh, look at the pretty pink elephant!"

" Oh my god, I see it!" cried Hotohori, covering his eyes. " It's so much prettier than me! But that's easy to accomplish, because I'm so damm ugly!"

" Who cares you idiot!" Nuriko yelled, his face going bright red. " You don't want to look pretty! You want to look handsome, that's the manly thing to be! It's so damm manly! Manly!" he froze as he noticed his reflection in the window. " For Suzaku's sake, I look like a fucking woman!"

" Oh! Nuriko-sama said a naughty word!" gasped Tasuki, covering his ears.

" Like totally!" exclaimed Tamahome.

Everybody stared at him. " What?" he asked indignantly.

It was at that moment that Mitsukake came bursting in through the wall on a motorbike, with two very busty females clinging to his back.

Nuriko dropped to his knees, staring up at the three of them in awe. " Oh dear god, it's so manly!" he then promptly fainted... in a very manly way of course.

Hotohori took the opportunity to start screaming like a girl and covering his face with a tablecloth, because, as he had said, he need to shield everyone from his obscene ugliness.

" Hey dudes," Mitsukake said, whipping off his pair of black sunglasses. " What's cooking?"

Chichiri grinned at him happily. " I'm high!"

" I'm donating money!" said Tamahome, before being slapped harshly by Miaka.

" No you're freaking not!" she snarled.

" I'm protecting you from my face!" came Hotohori's muffled voice from underneath the tablecloth.

" I'm a pretty boy!" proclaimed Chiriko, before biting into another magical cookie.

" And I'm… still in my night-dress! " Tasuki squeaked, blushing bright red, before running out of the room.

" Smooth," smiled Mitsukake, hoping off of his bike. " Well me and these lovely girls are going to go upstairs and have sex."

" Can I come too!" begged Nuriko, who had regained consciousness, and was now clinging onto Mitsukake's leg. " I need to experience love! I can feel my manliness slipping away!"

" No daaaaaa!" Chichiri cried suddenly, before jumping out of a nearby window.

" Sorry dude," Mitsukake said, shaking himself free of Nuriko's grip. " But these ladies are all mine." And with that they ran away upstairs.

Nuriko collapsed to the floor, and Chiriko wandered over to him, patting him comfortingly on the shoulder. " Don't worry, you can come and pick flowers with me and Tasuki."

Nuriko stood up, sniffing sadly. " Well… OK. As long as it's a manly thing to do."

Chiriko looked uncertain. " Um, sure. It's very manly…"

" Could you two freaks shut up! I'm trying not to eat here!" yelled Miaka, whacking Tamahome over the head with her mallet.

And so end's a very interesting morning in the Konan palace.

* * *

End of part one. Part two coming soon! 


	2. Part Two: Fun with the Seiryuu Seishi!

WHAT THEY WOULDN'T SAY: PART TWO

It was a beautiful bright-blue day in the beautiful bright-blue country of Kutou. The birds sang, the fish swam, and everyone was happy.

On this particular sunny afternoon, our favourite Seiryuu Seishi twins; Amiboshi and Suboshi, sat out in the vast gardens of the Kutou palace, enjoying the warm, pleasant air.

" Ah, dear brother, isn't it a beautiful day?" asked Suboshi, his eyes half-closed, a dreamy smile on his lips. " It's as though nature is bestowing it's beauteous gifts on us."

Unlike his brother, Amiboshi looked anything but calm and relaxed. He sat there on the soft grass, fiddling with his flute, his eyes darting about suspiciously. " Shut up, shut up!" he cried. " You're all against me! I hate you all!"

Suboshi glanced at him nervously. " Er, are you alright? You look a little crazy."

" Shut up! You know I hate it when people call me crazy!"

" Um, OK then. You don't look crazy, just paranoid."

Amiboshi dropped the flute, his head clutched tightly in his hands. " No! I'm not paraAh! That bird is looking at me evilly... HIDE!" With that he leapt into the pond.

Suboshi stared after him for a moment and then shrugged, seemingly unconcerned that his brother was probably drowning. He returned his gaze to the sky, and sighed sadly. " I wish he wouldn't keep throwing himself into large bodies of deep, almost certainly life-threatening water..."

It was at that moment that the loud booming of a gong was heard.

Suboshi moaned in despair. " Oh no, it's 1.pm, and we all know what that means..." He trailed off as the rest of the Seiryuu Seishi shuffled out into the garden.

Ashitare, who was clad in a bright pink and white dress, his hair up in Miaka-style buns, came and stood next to Suboshi. " So I guess it's that time again, right?" he muttered.

" Yeah," Suboshi sighed.

" Um, Suboshi, are you aware that your brother is drowning in that pond?"

Suboshi shrugged again. " Eh, don't worry about him, I'm sure blondie will save him, he usually does."

Yui and Soi were the next to arrive. They were stumbling about, quite clearly drunk, giggling like a pair of school girls. Which I guess Yui sort of is...

" Like guys, we are like so drunk!" Yui laughed.

" Totally!" added Soi, giggling like an idiot.

Ashitare and Suboshi stared at them and sweatdropped.

Yui took the opportunity to stride up to Ashitare, swaying wildly. She clutched at his dress, still giggling. " Ashitare, this dress looks totally cool on you!"

" Totally!"

" Soi, is that all you can say?" asked Suboshi.

Soi glared at him. " Dude, it like so is not... totally!"

Yui interrupted their argument by chucking her bottle of sake at Suboshi's face. " Dude, you are like so out of line," she scolded, before bursting out laughing, which rather ruined the effect.

" Anyway, are you two prepared for blondie's... urg... activities?" Ashitare asked, barely containing a shudder.

" Dude, like, of course we're not, we're here to see that totally little babe known as"

" Like, oh my god!" Soi cut in, gasping in excitement. " There he is!"

There, with a hoard of drooling fan-girls tailing behind him, was Miboshi. He appeared to be trying to dislodge many of the fan-girls, claiming that they were, "Invading his personal floating space."

" Miboshi-sama!" the fan-girls squealed. " Can we do anything for you?"

" Yes. You can fuck off!" Miboshi yelled, wielding his prayer wheel threateningly.

With a scream, the fan-girls began running away, but not without blowing kisses at Miboshi over their shoulders.

Miboshi sighed in relief. " I'm so glad they're finally gone. Those guys follow me everywhere. It's just too much!"

" Hmp, you should think yourself lucky that you even have fan-girls, everyone hates me," Suboshi muttered.

" Minna-san!" called out an over-happy voice.

The present Seiryuu Seishi and Seiryuu no Miko looked and groaned loudly.

" Oh no, like, here he comes," said Yui, before breaking out laughing again.

Nakago was running right towards them, with his arms outstretched and a huge grin on his face.

" Hi, minna-san!" he cried as he came skidding to a halt in front of then. " Are we all feeling nice and happy?"

" Yes, Nakago-sama," they answered in a monotone voice.

Nakago blinked his big blue eyes and glanced around curiously. " Hey, where's Amiboshi-kun and Tomo-chan?"

" Well, like, Tomo isn't, like, here yet and hehehe, Amiboshi is drowning in that pond," giggled Soi.

" WHAT!" screeched Nakago. He made a dash for the pond as everyone else tried to recover their hearing.

As Amiboshi continued to splutter and cough in the water, he suddenly felt a strong arm grab him and haul him out of the pond.

After spending a moment getting his breath back, Amiboshi stared gratefully up at his rescuer. " Wow, thanks Nakago, you saved me... again!"

" Yeah, well, you've got to stop throwing yourself into the pond every time a bird looks at you the wrong way." Nakago peered at Amiboshi sadly, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. " I don't know what I'd do if I lost you..."

And with that they began to make out.

Yui watched with wide, delighted eyes. " Dude! Those two dudes are making out!"

" Totally!"

Yui then noticed that Ashitare was staring closely at her. " What is it?" she asked the cross-dressing werewolf.

" Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Haruka from Sailor Moon?"

Apparently this didn't go over well, as Ashitare ended up with a sake bottle impaled in his eye.

" Ow!" he shrieked, wrenching the bottle out of his eye. " Why do people keep shoving things in my eye!"

" Maybe because you're an annoying, cross-dressing, ugly faced gimp?"

Ashitare glanced round at the sound of the voice. " Huh? Tomo-kun? Why do you have to be so mean? And why are you wearing leather?"

" I've joined a biker gang!" announced Tomo gleefully. " We ride around town all day yelling at people! And I get to carry a whip too!"

" Hey! That's my whip!" cried Nakago, breaking away from his lip-lock with Amiboshi.

" Fuck off Blondie!"

" You're mean! Ah! Ami-chan, quit touching me there, wait till we're alone!"

" Well this is all absolutely fascinating," Miboshi paused as he noticed a couple of his fan-girls starting to creep towards him again. " But isn't there a reason why we're all out here?"

Nakago clapped his hands together gleefully. " Oh, that's right! OK, everyone, gather round, because it's time for 'Nakago-sama's happy, sparkly, friendship strengthening outing!' Today, we visit our good pals, the Suzaku Seishi!"

The others stared back at him, slack-jawed.

" What!" they screamed in unison.

* * *

That's the end of part two. I'll write more soon.


	3. Part Three: Insanity and minifics!

WHAT THEY WOULDN'T SAY: PART THREE

Tasuki and Chiriko were skipping daintily through the fields, hand in hand, as Nuriko followed along grudgingly.

" You told me that this would be manly," he muttered. " Well it doesn't seem very manly to me."

" Nuriko-sama doesn't seem to be very happy," Chiriko said softly to Tasuki.

" No he doesn't, does he? Poor Nuriko-sama. Don't worry, he'll feel better once we start picking the flowers," the bandit assured him.

Chiriko nodded happily and gazed up at Tasuki. " Your eyes are so pretty, Tasuki-chan."

Tasuki flushed and held a hand to his cheek. " Oh, shush," he giggled.

" What are you two morons playing at!" yelled Nuriko. " Stop being so fucking unmanly, you pansies!"

His companions sniffled and sighed. " Nuriko-sama's so mean and... masculine. I wish we could be like him," they said in unison.

* * *

" Tamahome, why the freak are we in this freaking place!"

" I told you earlier; I'm going to donate some money."

" What! But I told you that you couldn't freaking do that!"

" Miaka-chan, stop ordering me about, you're not the boss of me!"

" Yes I freaking am! Now get on your knees!"

" What? In front of the kids?"

" Hello Sir and Madame, welcome to Orphans 'R' us, your one stop shop for orphans."

" No, no, I don't want to but any orphans, I just want to give you some money. Here, I'll write you out a cheque."

" Oh no you will not! Give me that freaking pen!"

" No, it's mine!"

" Give it, or I'll be forced to take out the freaking whip."

" Ooh, whips. Visions of Nakago in a Sailor Fuku..."

" What the freak!"

" Ow! Miaka-chan, that was my eye!"

" I know, you freak!"

" Er, Sir? Madame?"

* * *

" Hotohori-sama? Will you please come out from under that tablecloth, no da?" Chichiri asked him.

" No! I don't want to hurt you with my ugliness!" came Hotohori's muffled reply.

" But I want you to try my magical cookies, no da. Plus they may cure your affliction, no da."

Hotohori peeked out from under the tablecloth. " Huh? My affliction? Then you do think I'm ugly?"

" Yes indeed. But never mind about that, let's just make love, no da."

Hotohori leapt up in alarm. " What!" he shrieked.

" I wasn't talking to you, no da! I was talking to the purple elephant, the shiny, pretty purple elephant, no da." He started stroking a rather frightened looking Tama-Neko. " Good purple elephant... soft..."

" I'm scared!" Hotohori cried, hugging the tablecloth fearfully.

* * *

Meanwhile, Mitsukake and the two very busty female (named Sunny and er...Spanky) were in the middle of getting it on, when the Seiryuu Seishi and their Miko suddenly appeared in the middle of the room.

" Duuude! Those three are like totally having sex!" Yui exclaimed, whipping out her camera from only Seiryuu knows where.

" Totally!"

" Soi, I told you to stop saying that, it's so annoying."

" Heh, this coming from the cross-dressing wolfman."

" Shut up Tomo! And I'm not a wolfman, I just have an abnormal amount of body hair!"

" Hey, guys, how did we get here anyway?" Suboshi asked. " I didn't think any of us could teleport."

Miboshi shrugged. " It's probably just a plot convenience. But either way, it's all Blondie's fault!"

Nakago, who had still been hugging Amiboshi, sniffled and snuggled closer to him. " It's not fair, they're all being so mean to me. But you'll protect me, won't you Ami-chan?"

" Of course I will Nakkie-chan, I'll protect you for...AH! THERE'S A BIRD ON THAT WINDOWSILL!"

" HEY!"

Everyone stopped talking at Mitsukake's sudden yell, and turned to gave at the naked healer.

" Do you mind? I'm trying to have sex here!"

The Seiryuu gang blushed and all made a run for the door.

Amiboshi had to drag Nakago through the doorway, since the poor dear, having got upset when he realised that people were having sex in front of him, had proceeded to collapse to the floor and cry about how his innocence had been taken.

Poor, poor, stupid Blondie... Pie!

* * *

Back outside, Tasuki, Chiriko and Nuriko were enjoying a cute, scenic picnic. Well actually, Tasuki and Chiriko were enjoying it, while Nuriko was just complaining about having to drink his tea out of a bright pink cup.

" It's just too... girly." He had explained, shuddering at the thought of doing anything girly.

It was at that moment that the Seiryuu Seishi appeared in front of them too, much to the shock of Tasuki and Chiriko, who screamed like idiots and started fear-hugging.

" Ah! It's a bunch of scary men!" Tasuki gulped.

" Hey! I'm a woman, you clonk!"

Everyone ignored Yui's protest, as they were much more interested in watching Nakago, as he started to feel up a tree.

" You're very hard," he told it, before holding his hand to his mouth and giggling like a little girl. " Tee-hee, I said it was hard!"

Nuriko apparently found this hilarious, as he burst out laughing. " He called it hard! That's so manly! But wait, he then giggled like a girl... like a sissy! ...I'M CONFUSED!"

Nuriko fell to the ground, clutching at his head, the situation having become too much for him.

" ...I like pie!" Soi announced.

" Shut up Soi!"

The end… of part three!

* * *

And now, here's some episode 33 inspired mini-stories. BEWARE! There be spoilers for episode 33 up ahead. So you shouldn't read it if you haven't watched it yet.

OK, bring on the insanity!

* * *

SCENE 1

CHICHIRI:" Hey! I sense that one of us is in danger! Up on that mountain! Let's teleport, people!"

(Teleport! Teleport)

MITSUKAKE:" Oh no! Nuriko's injured! Heal! Heal!"

TAMAHOME:" OK, Nuriko's all better! Let's go!"

NURIKO:" Er, can I get up first?"

EVERYONE ELSE:" No!"

NURIKO: Oo;

* * *

SCENE 2

NURIKO:" Onegai, Give me the strength that I need!"

SUZAKU:" OK!"

(Strength! Strength!)

SUZAKU:" Now you can move that giant boulder! Yay!"

NURIKO:" Oh, good... hey, wait a minute. If you can give me enough strength to move the boulder, then why don't you just give me the strength to live until Mitsukake can get here and heal me?"

SUZAKU:" Er..."

NURIKO:" I mean, surely it would be more useful for you, having all of your Seishi alive?"

SUZAKU:" ...Shut up!"

NURIKO:" That's not really a very good argument..." ;;

SUZAKU:" I know, but I can't think of a better one."

NURIKO:" ..."

SUZAKU:" Oh, just hurry up and die, will you!"

* * *

THE END! I hope you enjoyed them! 


	4. Part Four: The cookies, man!

WHAT THEY WOULDN'T SAY: PART FOUR

" I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, no da! There they are all standing in a row, no da! Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head, no da!"

Hotohori and Tama-Neko watched in wide-eyed fascination, if not horror, as Chichiri danced gaily around on the dining table, singing his drugged-up little heart out.

Hotohori squeaked and held the trembling feline close. " I'm still scared!" he whimpered.

" Hotohori-sama! There's something crawling up your face, no da!"

" What!" the Emperor shrieked, rubbing furiously at his face.

" Oh, never mind, no da. It was just your ugliness, no da. Ah! It could be contagious, no da! RUN!" With that Chichiri stuffed another dozen 'magical cookies' into his mouth, then leapt out of the window.

Tama-Neko mewed and struggled out of Hotohori's grip. He padded swiftly over to the window and peered out of it. " Oh, my. Hotohori-sama, Chichiri-san is trying to mate with a willow tree!"

" Ewww! I didn't need to know tha-- HUH! OMG! A talking cat!"

" Actually, I think it's just the cookies talking," Tama-Neko replied.

" Yes, it is," agreed a mysterious voice from nowhere.

" OMG! A mysterious voice from nowhere!" Hotohori shrieked, stuffing more cookies into his mouth... among other orifices. (You know, like his, er, nose. Yeah, his nose...)

" Yes, I am."

" Are you my mummy?"

" I can if you want me to be."

" So... you're NOT my mummy?"

" ... No."

And then suddenly Hotohori wakes up and realises that it was all a horrible, drug-induced dream! Well, the part about the talking cat and the mysterious voice. Chichiri was still mating with a tree...

* * *

Meanwhile back with Tasuki, Nuriko and all the other characters who's names I've forgotten... Nakago had stopped feeling up the tree, and remembered why he'd dragged his Seishi here in the first place.

" Because today is 'Nakago-sama's happy, sparkly, friendship strengthening outing!', I wanted to visit you lovely Suzaku's and talk about what's really important," Nakago started, his eyes sparkling gleefully. " That dazzling emotion that we all love: Love. Because, quite frankly, love makes the world go round."

" No it doesn't, you idiot!" bellowed Nuriko, leaping to his feet. " Love is for sissies who wear ladies underwear!"

" Oooh! He said 'underwear'! That's such a naughty word!" Tasuki exclaimed.

" Nuriko-sama is so the masculinity!" swooned Chiriko, drooling profusely.

" Anyway, ignoring Mr. Grumpy Goose, here, let me please continued. Everybody, sit down upon the ground and feel the grass beneath your asses," Nakago said, urging everybody to take a seat. (take a seat kid, take a god damn seat!)

" Er, alright," everyone agreed reluctantly.

" Ground is for sissies, too," Nuriko muttered, grudgingly sitting beside the Seiryuu Seishi. " We should be floating in the air, like a Ninja."

Ashitare looked down at his pink dress, and whimpered sadly. " Aww, I got a stain on my dress. I'm sad now..." And with that, he imploded.

" Like, OH EM GEE! I've just realised; I loved Ashitare! I love him so much that I'm going to eat his remains!" Soi announced, leaping upon Ashitare's carcass. " I'm, like, such a cannonball!"

Tomo blinked at her owlishly. " Er, you mean a cannibal?"

" Totally!"

" Never mind about that sick freak!" shouted Nuriko. " I've just realised what I have to do to confirm my masculinity! I've got to become a super hero!"

" You mean like Nuriko-man, master of the universe?" asked Suboshi.

"Yeah! Because I've got the strength of ten bears! I'll even have a theme song!"

Cue the music!

NURIKO-MAN! And the idiots of the Universe.

I am Nuriko, some dude from Konan, defender of the secrets of my underwear.

This is Tasuki, my sissy friend.

Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic gauntlets and said: "By the power of this funny mark on my chest"

NURIKO-MAN!

"I have the power to be manly!"

Tasuki became the mighty Booze Cat.

And I became Nuriko-Man, the most powerful man in the universe.

Only three others share this secret.

Our friends the Miko, Hotohori hiding under a table and Chiriko.

Together we defend Konan palace from the evil forces of Nakator. Er, Nakago.

NURIKO-MAN!

" The cookies, dude! They make everything sparkly, no da!" screamed Chichiri, ripping off his clothes and jumping into a nearby pond. " I can see the music!"

* * *

Miaka and Tamahome, having donated their money at Orphans 'R' us, were now making their way along the dusty path back to the Konan palace. Tamahome with his eye injury, Miaka with her psychotic expression.

" Miaka-chan, I really don't like the fact that you stabbed me in the eye," Tamahome whimpered, holding a bedraggled scrap of cloth up to his bleeding eye.

" You deserved it, you freak!" Miaka snapped, glaring daggers at anyone unfortunate enough to enter her field of vision. " Imagining freaking Nakago in a freaking Sailor Fuku. But the worst part is, you actually gave them some of our freaking money! I already told you I wanted to use it to buy some freaking weaponry!"

" I can't help being a generous person..." Tamahome mumbled sheepishly.

" Snarl!"

" Er, can I have my pen back?"

" No, it's mine now! In me power! Mwahaha!"

" Are you feeling all right?"

" Well," Miaka began uncertainly. " I did eat some of Chichiri's cookie's before we left."

" The cookie's, dude! They're magical!"

Tamahome blinked. " ... Who said that!"

* * *

" Love is like a big basket of apples," Nakago sighed, his hands clasped together wistfully. " All red and shiny."

" And sometimes they've got maggots in them," Amiboshi added, glancing around nervously. " They're watching me, too. Just like the birds!"

" Be quiet, Aniki!" ordered Suboshi. " I'm trying to contemplate the apple that is love."

Miboshi chose this moment to pluck an apple down from a nearby tree, and take a big, snappy bite out of it. " Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got love in my tummy," he sang happily.

" Gasp! You just ate love! Bad baby, very bad baby!" Nakago scolded, smacking him upside the head.

Nuriko gave them all a sour look. " The Seiryuu Seishi are so stupid and sissy. What a bunch of sissies."

And then Hotohori fell on him.

" Er, sorry about that, Nuriko," Hotohori apologised, pulling himself off of the purple-haired Seishi. " It's just that... I was so upset by how ugly I am, and all the crazy crap going on, that I... gave in and ate the cookie's!"

" OMG! NO!" everyone exclaimed.

And then naked Chichiri fell on them.

" Like, hey!" Yui shouted angrily at the author. " I haven't, like, said anything in this chapter!"

" That's because I hate you."

" ... You're mean!"

* * *

And now it's time for... NURIKO-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!

Episode 1: Nuriko-man and his bitches beats the crap out of some bad guys!11

" Look, Booze Cat, The Miko... the rest of you! It's some evil dudes!" Nuriko-man shouted, posing manishly.

" Tee-hee, you're right," giggled Tasuki-- er, Booze Cat. " Let's punch those bad boys!"

" Let's shoot bullets out of our guns!" The Miko screamed, charging at the enemy, wielding a machine gun.

" There's a table stuck on my back!" Hotohori cried.

" Never fear, fellow overly-strong characters!" Nuriko-Man said. " For I shall defeat those villains with the fabulous power of my gauntlets! ... Or something."

" Mwahaha! I'm evil!" cackled Nakator. " I kill you now!"

" Stab them! Stab those pigs!" roared Chiriko.

Stab! Punch! Kick! Gauntlet! Nakator! My spleeeeeen!

" Right, they're all dead," Nuriko announced, dusting off his hands. " Let's go get some food."

End of episode! See you in the exciting episode of NURIKO-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!

* * *

The end! See you next time… if there is one! 


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